Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn. Often when things go wrong, the unexpected happens, or we have to face "failure", we find there's an opportunity underneath. Steph Swain shares her own story.
At our annual 'Speak to the Human' event, we focus on themes that resonate with our clients and their experiences. This year, the spotlight is on ‘permission to fail’ and the invaluable lessons we learn from our failure. So, in preparation, I want to share just one of my many failures, and how transformative that failure has been.
Prior to joining Acteon, I worked in higher education. I helped academics to make a difference in the world beyond academia and to explain and evidence this impact, in order to secure funding for future impactful work.
It was such a varied role. I worked across all disciplines from clinical medicine to classics, and across all impact types from culture to economics. I met some real characters along the way. People who were pioneers in their field. People who really cared about making a difference. But as I climbed the career ladder, things slowly shifted.
I found myself managing the people who were doing the hands-on work I used to do. My days were filled with budgets, risk registers, and reports to senior management. I was stuck in one office, dealing with the same set of lovely, but familiar faces. I felt isolated from the world outside the Grade I-listed “ivory tower” where I spent every working day.
Worse still, I’d been doing the role so long it no longer challenged me. I knew I needed something more. So, I talked to my manager at the time, and he suggested an advanced project management qualification.
Failure: A shock to the system
I signed up for the course, which involved online learning and a huge book which I basically had to memorise. It was incredibly boring, but I put in the effort. I revised for hours. I devised a set of mnemonics to remember the various frameworks and the jargon, and the more fed up I became, the ruder the mnemonics got.
I had zero passion for what I was learning, but still I persevered. Finally, it was the big day and for the first time in my life, I failed an exam. I’d passed every test I’d ever taken – even my driving test (despite being the sort of driver who can’t park my car if someone is watching).
But I had failed the exam, despite my best efforts.
This failure was a huge knock to my confidence. I started questioning myself. Was I not clever enough? Was my memory failing? Were the demands of motherhood too much to take on a new challenge?
I was embarrassed. My employer had paid for the course, and now I had to tell them I’d failed. My friends and family knew I’d been studying. My children felt sorry for me.
The course provider offered me a resit. It was decision time.
Insight from failure
I spent a lot of time reflecting on why I had failed, and whether I wanted to retry. And I realised that it wasn’t just me that had failed the course; the course had also failed me. It hadn't provided the challenge I was hoping for. It didn't spark any excitement, either in studying the material or in thinking about the career prospects it promised.
The idea of resitting the exam, and worse still dedicating yet more time to studying the giant tome of project management, filled me with dread. I would not be resitting.
The entire experience left me questioning what I wanted to work towards. I came to one major realisation: I didn’t want to be an ‘advanced project manager’, even further away from the action. I wanted to get back to hands-on work, interacting with people and producing something tangible, other than endless reports.
Whilst the course hadn’t been the opportunity that I’d been looking for, it was just what I needed. The course material had sent me to sleep, but the experience was a wake-up call. I realised that my career progression wasn't taking me in the direction I wanted to go. I needed to change course.
And that was the catalyst that eventually led me to Acteon.
Sometimes, failing is just what you need to find your true path. It’s those moments of failure that shape us, make us rethink our choices, and ultimately lead us to where we’re meant to be.
Now, I help clients focus their efforts where they'll have the most positive impact. It’s varied and challenging and rewarding. It turns out, failure led me to exactly where I needed to be.
